Stepmothers often complain that the children have too much power. They affect the marriage. They change schedules. They manipulate guilty dads, who stop enforcing rules because they feel bad. And kids do have power in some houses. I know I did. I took advantage of every guilty feeling my parents had about the divorce to manipulate them to get what I wanted.
But kids need boundaries. They need rules to feel safe. They need consistency and a feeling that even though a lot has changed in their lives, there are some things that will remain the same. Dad will always put them to bed and read them a story when they’re at his (and your) house. They will always have to brush their teeth and hair in the morning before school.
If they do something bad, they’ll get in trouble. Because you are an adult living in the house, you’re going to be a role model, whether you like it or not. Some stepmoms jump right in to raising the children, and for some women it works. Others take longer to feel comfortable taking on responsibility for the kids. But the fact that you have kids in your household is not something you can take lightly.
You are affecting them every day with your personality, your beliefs, your snits and good moods. And they are soaking up everything you do like a sponge, even if they are pretending to ignore you.