If your stepchildren are young and in your house at least 50 percent of the time, you’re going to be parenting them whether you or anyone in your family acknowledges it or not. You’ll be influencing how they do things when they grow up just by living in the same space. Read the rest of this entry »
Hiring someone to help clean was the best gift I could ever have received. Now I give that gift to myself every summer when my stepkids move in.
When you start doing chores for people whom you don’t feel close to yet, it can feel pretty rotten, especially if they don’t treat you very nicely or if they sit on the couch and watch television while you pick up after them. “I think one of the things that can happen is stepmothers can take on a martyr complex,” says author and stepmother Anne O’Connor. Read the rest of this entry »
Many stepmothers report they end up doing chores without much thought or discussion around it, as though some internalized gender role has suddenly awakened within them. And even though they are modern women with high-powered jobs, they find they expect themselves to run the house. But just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean that you have to do all the chores by yourself. Read the rest of this entry »
When I moved into a house with three complete strangers, who would leave their bags, shoes, toys, coats, gloves, balloons, papers, and garbage all over the living room and dining room, I would hyperventilate every time I arrived home to a space that looked as if it had been ransacked by robbers. It reminded me of my college days living in an apartment with a bunch of roommates who left their belongings out everywhere. Read the rest of this entry »
Though it’s easy to feel that you don’t have any power, you do. Georgianne never thought she’d be a full-time parent to her stepchildren. “It never occurred to me that kids who lived one hundred fifty miles away would suddenly be living with me, at least not so quickly. I did see it out there as a possibility in the future, but within six months of the marriage I was a full-time stepmom.” Read the rest of this entry »
Stepmothers often complain that the children have too much power. They affect the marriage. They change schedules. They manipulate guilty dads, who stop enforcing rules because they feel bad. And kids do have power in some houses. I know I did. I took advantage of every guilty feeling my parents had about the divorce to manipulate them to get what I wanted. Read the rest of this entry »
Acting defensive could be something a guy doesn’t realize he’s doing.” But you can expect to be treated with respect in your own home. “Dads really need to step up,” says Criswell. “Their message to the kids needs to be, ‘You can’t call the shots, but you really matter. And I want everyone to be happy. Read the rest of this entry »
When you move too fast, too soon, the kids tend to have long memories. It took years for Alex to say complimentary things about her stepmother, whom she met when she was 10. One of the most vivid memories from her childhood is what she calls Manners Boot Camp. “She was very strict. We would sit at the table to eat with my stepmother and Dad standing over us. They would watch us and critique us. They’d watch to see which forks we used or if we chewed with our mouths open.” Read the rest of this entry »